Gunshy Enquirer: The Day i Stop Went To Museum_Like

“I think I bargained more than you spent for Muse concert when I decide to meet the arm / hand of Tool, in insecurity. I broke now.”

Itu baru sikit, to have more is to bargain more. Time, actually. The gold.

diagram 1:
1. Joshua Davis and his arm of Tool, MTC, Kuala Lumpur. Waiting for signing session.
2. The speaker list. Kalau anda teliti, Joshua Davis tidak meletakkan tajuk forum berbanding speaker yang lain. He talk freely, drive by his Mac.
3. “Tags out“, pesan Aneem. The black bag, conference tag + cube note book with Joshua Davis design on the cover.
4. ‘Designer edition’ booth outside conference hall.

On January 12, Countess Aneem of n0tangel as she used to be in 2002 brought me some bad news. I’m not going to have my place at MTC. It’s sold. The other way is to double my tix price, when I’m not even going to use the rest of the half. Joshua Davis. That’s all. It sounds like the design con I’m going to sit tommorow won’t give me a damn.

So, I sleep, until the end of the con. The only thing that matter now is to meet the hand at the end of the con. It start at 9 am. Its only at 3.45pm, baru Joshua give his presentation. So, I thought, OK, I show up at the end of the con, so I wont ache. Plus I got work to do back at the office, ketika “syaitan nak berjoget, ” as my employer said, reffering the party people after the end of Butters & Friends gig. n0tangel now dealing with blitzenius, that used to be titled as blynk3n in his sporadic human age, dehumanize recently. Urgh,… aku tak tidur pun sejak semalam.

I wake at 10am, bila telefon berbunyi, sejam selepas Massive Con berlangsung. From Aneem. “Kau kat mana?” “Kat ofis… ” “Datang cepat! Aku dah reserve seat kau!” “Ouh,…. gimme one hour?”

I remember aku tak shave semalam, now all the fur’s gone. Tiba-tiba. And I almost broke, when I ask Aneem to get me a place. And now I’m not sure.

Aku sampai dalam pukul 1 tengahari ketika speaker sedang rehat,… and I saw 123Klan dari France sedang demo graffiti. I read about them once in Ish mag di kampung. That’s the only thing about 123Klan I could recall sejak di kampung, Terengganu tiada kedai yang simpan periodical design. If only they could, aku kena bayar dengan harga yang mahal. Lebih mahal berbanding ibu kota. And I remember it always depressing about berada di kampung, terutama when the lights out and you walk alone, aimless. Anyway, 123Klan, they’re great. Really.

There’s a lot of ‘designer edition’ booth at MTC. I met Lefty from Gilamon comics, booth 84cube yang dijaga Nab sorang,… kesian….

“Tadi ada mamat ni,….” Aneem ketika sampai kat aku. Belum habis cakap dia terus bagi Massice Con bag with the tag. “Tags out, eh?” pesan dia. “Hah! Apasal mamat tadi?” “Dia tunggu awal pagi tadi, nak masuk. Abis, aku dah reservekan kau. ” “Semalam kau cakap tak ada la. So, I had to think wise…. sebelum aku datang.” Tapi aku dah bayar seminggu dulu….

Finally aku kat dalam dewan MTC tu, at 2pm selepas event dah separuh jalan, for the next presentation by 123Klan (and my first for me, pity…. aku terlepas Kustaa Saksi). Depan sekali, dan bila berada di depan aku tak tau siapa audien di belakang, dan orang-orang penting yang lain. Di luar sedar aku, Sarah is here too. Now, the wife. Wanting to be inspiring.

The con turn out to be a comedy club with the additional ‘the history of VJ culture regurgitated’ by Wieden+ Kennedy. I couldn’t help but to sleep, like watching cinema with complimentary passes. But at the end of Wieden, aku terjaga and people geek out. Dengan selamba Joshua lalu depan aku dengan Mac-nya. Dia terus plugkan Mac. Di layar, terpapar wajah 10 ’saudara perempuan’nya. Funny guy. (Kalau anda ke sana, anda faham maksud saya). Tiada formaliti dalam persembahan Joshua. Penuh explicity. He is himself, jeans and tee guys without covering his tattoos, two part on both hands and one between his shoulder and his neck. The exact like I see in my copy of Wired. Tiada topik oleh Joshua tertulis di dalam speaker list , tidak seperti speaker lain. He talk freely about his work. Dia bermula dengan sejarah pra komputernya. Ketika masih menampal kerja manual di fridge, dan memanggang kertas di dalam ketuhar oven. Sangat medieval. Dia tak mengambil masa yang lama sebelum membawa audien ke subjek seterusnya, Tool the band. (Good thing, not many here are familiar with Tool. Jarang sekali di tanahair seni Tool dibawa perbincangannya di tempat sebegini. Again, kalau anda ke sana, anda faham maksud saya…) Ada kepentingan kenapa Joshua membawa Tool sebagai subjek terawal dan paling utama, walaupun ramai di dalam dewan MTC ini lebih maklum Joshua sebagai pembuka jalan komuniti seni grafik dalam talian melalui Praystation dan Dreamlessnya. Ada vulgarism bila membincangkan tentang Tool, …. Tool toilet , got me? The pigs at the end of email? Going out for gun shooting with client? Ada video Tool sedang rehearsal dari kamera peribadi Joshua. Tapi yang paling penting bagaimana seni Swarm untuk Tool dibina. Of course, Joshua pernah tulis perkara ini dalam diarinya tapi anda perlu lihat reaksi Adam Jones ketika Joshua Davis menunjukkan hasil kerjanya kepada Adam.

Joshua Davis : “I’ve sent you an email. Have you seen my work I sent?”
Adam Jones : “I play guitar….”
Joshua Davis : Adam, don’t you get me? I’ve sent you an email.”
Adam Jones : “Josh, I play guitar….”
In the end, jawapan terakhir dari Adam Jones ( I wont write it here, tunggu artikel aku pasal Joshua in the next issue of ROTTW magazine) sangat bermakna untuk semua yang hadir,….. tanpa meninggalkan sense of humour yang anda pada Joshua. Joshua kemudian menyambung dengan subjek BMW, client besar berbanding Tool, client sukar. Tapi approachnya tetap sama dengan Tool.

diagram 2:
1. ‘Becoming Tool’. 2nd topic by Joshua after a lil’ bit history of his medieval age of art.
2. As you can see here, Justin Chancelor, the bass player for Tool. Joshua ada tunjuk video Tool rehearsal sebelum recording 10,000 Days. Bila ditanya tentang Tool, few audience saja yang nodding on the subject. It shows that Tool hanya dimiliki oleh sedikit telinga yang custom sahaja for their music, dalam senarai artist/designer yang hadir. So, that day, it’s a revelation….
3. Joshua menjawab soalan …… si Sarah Joan.
4. Signature terpanjang+time-cost Joshua on, my mag hari tu.

diagram 3:
1. Designer card, giveaway Joshua hari tu.
2. Design Joshua untuk Adam Jones, rasanya tak diguna pakai oleh Tool. Kerja peribadi. Diterbitkan kembali oleh Wired.
3. Intro Flash Swarm Joshua dalam website Tool. Kata Joshua, dalam satu pixel animasi itu ada link ke website rahsia,…. hehe,… cari sendiri.
People wouldn’t have thought how this punk by the name Joshua Davis could change the world. Not just change, tapi mempengaruhi sebahagian besar komuniti artis web. Ataupun yang asalnya bukan web-savvy dan terlalu konvensional tapi turut terikut gelombang dalam talian. On the other side, he like said to people: You have to. You can not to not to have to. Atau anda teringgal di belakang. Tapi tahun pertama sobriety bagi Joshua bukanlah sesuatu yang berinspirasi. Anda perlu merasa sakitnya, atau bergantung pada magis. Dan selalunya berat kepada sakit.

Sesi Joshua berakhir. Audien diminta membuka soalan kepada speaker-speaker ini. Tahap arrogant artis dan designer tanahair, dengan cina-cina sekali memang teruk kerana tiada soalan ditanya (ataupun mereka sudah tulis di atas kertas,… terus kepada pengerusi). Lalu saya nampak Sarah ke depan podium untuk soalan tunggal dari Malaysia. Pathetic…. Saya melihat Sarah dengan wajah yang letih seperti ‘hidup ini untuk berlari’ dan juga cemburu…. OK, I kid… Dan Joshua yang membalas soalan si Sarah tu walau ketika itu Joshua sedang plug out Macnya. Dan ketika signing session, sempat lagi si Sarah menyerahkan designer card dengan domainnya kepada Joshua. Damn kau, Sarah , I hate you,…. haha. Ok, I had some bad memories here upon our internet age. Dah lama sangat sebenarnya.

I got my Wired signed (signature terpanjang banding dengan orang lan, berpeluh orang lain menunggu). Snap his ‘arm of Tool’ photo. Shake hands. Jumpa Aneem + Muid Latif for leaving. Jumpa Abang Rom kat luar Zouk like Butters gig is nothing. Ke KLCC in starving. Then back to work at the office.

And I think I broke. Aku dah kalah. (dikalahkan, that’s the word. Belum menyerah. Joshua pernah homeless, dan aku tak tau dalam kronologi hidupnya, aku dalam fasa mana).

But I don’t see any bad sign. Some people, I adore them dalam bentuk sttill gambar sahaja. Dan ia lebih baik begitu, kerana saya bertanya sendiri, adakah kerana terlalu menuntut perkara yang tak pasti ini, could make my top priority get better? I don’t know. Fate sometimes could happen in a very deserted place. Mungkin ditempat yang paling kau benci.

Kerja dan ruang kreatif aku makin bertambah, tapi masa aku tak bertambah jugak. Seperti headhunter, aku mengumpul tengkorak-tengkorak ini. Orang di luar sana mula hilang harapan terutama orang yang tak faham langsung perihal ‘tanggungjawab sebenar’.

Seminggu selepas itu aku balik ke rumah , Shah Alam. Yang penuh dengan party people. Yang menutup pintu bilik untuk ‘urusan peribadi’ sedang aku perlu guna komputer, untuk teruskan kerja aku.

I’m old and bored and they think they’re not.

diagram 4:
1. Adam : “Josh, I play guitar…” Jangan jadikan meja makan KLCC sebagai workstation. With few friends from Rantai event.
2. Supernab yang kena jaga booth 84cube sorang2.
3. ‘The catalyst’. Dulu kan sebelum internet explosion, Joshua Davis have taught us a thing or two. Buat domain sendiri, design flash sendiri, promote sendiri, jadi diri sendiri, Dreamless, et al,….. sehinggalah MySpace. With Aneem of n0tangel, Ahmad Nazri previously subdomained blynk3n, Muid Latif who wrote all those local designer online artifact in his Digitalmalaya.com page, and a friend.
4. 123Klan duo in action. Graffitying…
and lastly you see the detail on the back of Joshua designer card.

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Esoknya, saya menyanyikan lagu “Ressurection” dengan growl sebenar Mark Hunter, sedang semalam saya senyap sahaja.

Saya menakutkan seorang perempuan. Of course la terkejut, baru terpandang wajah semalam, lepas itu kena mendengar suara jeritan metal lelaki ini seperti ada masalah dengan awek. Dah la dalam satu rumah yang melayan Fergie, si lelaki ini paling lain airplaynya.

“Awak takutkan perkara yang tak logik pada pemikiran saya. Jeritan saya… yang menyanyi. Awak tak perasan switch Sinatranya?”

Yang peliknya, perempuan itu tak takut pula berada di dalam satu kumpulan lelaki di tempat tertutup. Dia sorang je perempuan! Urgh! Scare me some more!

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I remember I cut art school, for the sake of computer-lab and library. And that’s at Machang, Kelantan. Susah juga nak mempersoalkan sebab aku sorang saja yang eager at those thing, selain Kamal Masrun, seorang rakan sebilik yang kuat dipengaruh, cuma he made it to his final year in textile. I’m not sebab aku kena berdepan dengan logam lembut, which again, I’m not. So, I failed and I was blessed by it.

Dekat Shah Alam, 7 or 8 eight yrs ago, lagi teruk. Komuniti ‘dreamless’ baru saja berakar. Orang-orang yang dikenali di dalam negara boleh dibilang dengan jari. Few people I connected online adalah pengguna, sebagaimana berjuta-juta pembeli perkakasan komputer lain di dunia. They surrendered and executed in the end, kerana mereka tidak mencapai tahap manipulator atau provocateur. (Read: Rantai event review in KLue magazine, Jan 2007 to see how shallow the thought people could come across, because the fact we think we never live until 2007. kesian…) Since there’s not many people out there at the time share the same vision (I see hatred in them, really), I pull it off and balik kampung. Better, I share the Flash gig with Mat Yoe. I stumble upon his Farside book at his bonda’s home, Chendering, makan nasik dengan sambal ikan bilis dan petai. Go to work at 4pm, and back at 7 or 8 am,…. and never sleep at all. Recieved Spawn comic books sent by mail by Sal Abbinanti, because there’s no comic bookstore at Terengganu and that’s the only way. Sub-domain is up again… and in a sudden, di Kuala Lumpur, ‘dreamless’ community is growing in large scale, farther than I had a year ago. Late. Like a line from Damon Albarn on people started to becoming zombie (anti-me, superior and selfish bastard) in this digital age: “These are the seeds of the future, aren’t they? You need to identify them.” (…reffering the scene from Dawn of the Dead…)

“I’m much more at home with Daffy Duck than I am with a real person. But the whole zombie thing is an obsession of mine, ” – Jamie Hewlett

‘Dreamless’ community sort of growing in this age when SEA got bummed by an earthquake in the digital channel, still. And you can’t help when superior is my language now. It stopped me from drink drug. I know you hate it that way because I want you to hate me that way (and because I don’t want you to love me as a dork).

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“Awak dah tengok Singles?”
“No. Why?”
“Masa gig Alice In Chains, I had to scream this way to pick you up. Tak dapat. It only happen bila dah abis gig,kat news stand, outside. Baru saya ada suara. Hmmm,….”
Coming this new year (it just a number anyway, we’re ancient…), with few things I picked from last year (but you), the only thing left, to fit at home, is the Chef while I’m writing code.
That’s just the beginning. My first year. I can’t tell the differences between consult and insult when I deserted.

Mat Yoe is now nowhere in Kuantan/Kuala Terengganu, dah lama putus tunang. Still Writing the code.
Kamal Masrun now reside in Puchong, still writing the code, some paperwork and music practice.
Malik has writing some finest vocal-free song in his basement, Bandar Tasik Selatan.

“The Barely Controlled Chaos of Joshua Davis” by Scott Kisrner wired 14.03, 2006
IdN 2002 Fresh Conference leaflet, Singapore, April 2002 (left with none, tak boleh cut school sebab kena approve good result, end up 5 years sacrifice of fresh blood)
“Vai Toma No Cú” – Nailbomb (Alex Newport/Max Cavalera), 1994
“Bone Machine” – The Pixies (Black Francis) 1987
Davis, Joshua (2002-07-24). Flash to the Core: An Interactive Sketchbook. New Riders Publishing. ISBN 0735712883.
Issue 100. K10k.net (2001-01-01). Retrieved on 2006-07-07.
‘Love story of color’ book sent by Jemma Hostetler (née Gura) of Prate (who collaborate with Joshua in Flash To The Core book).
TOOL “Swarm” intro. Retrieved on 2006-07-10.